Forgiveness
by fififolle
Summary: Spoiler for The Siege parts 1&2. McKay is grieving, and Elizabeth and Zelenka lend a hand.


**Disclaimer**: I do not own these characters; this is written for fun or something, I make no money etc.

**Spoilers**: The Siege Part 1 and 2, also probably most of Season 1.

**Beta:** Many thanks to LittleKnux2008 for the wonderful beta.

**A/N**: All criticism welcome. Set shortly after we assume the wraith are defeated, post-Season 1; written before Season 2 aired.

This is my second effort. Thank you to everyone who is encouraging and inspiring me, including PurpleYin, Porthos1013, LittleKnux2008, Dr Dredd, and emergencyfan.

**Summary**: McKay is thinking about Peter Grodin's death, and Elizabeth and Zelenka lend a hand.

"Dr. Zelenka, have you seen Rodney?" Elizabeth enquired. Her tone was intended to be casual, but she was unable to keep the anxiety out of her voice, or the frown from her brow. McKay wasn't in his lab, she'd checked there. Strangely, he hadn't been noticed in the mess hall. When he wasn't in one of those places, he was usually bothering her about something or other. And she was worried. It just wasn't like him not to be _around_.

The Czech scientist looked up from the control room workstation. "I have not seen him for a few hours. I wish he was here to help me restore the database, it is taking so long, and without him…or Peter…I am at pace of a snail".

At the mention of Peter, Elizabeth felt a cold grip on her heart, and could see Zelenka tense at the thought of the loss of the good friend. She drummed her fingers over her folded arms.

"Radek," she said softly, "bring up the lifesigns detector, is it functioning?"

Without a word, Zelenka worked the console, and they peered at the display. As if he had read her thoughts, Zelenka checked one location first…

"There," Zelenka pointed, "Peter's room. There is someone there."

He looked up into Elizabeth's face. She nodded grimly, and they both hurried down the stairs.

The door to Peter's quarters was open. Elizabeth looked through the doorway, almost afraid at what she might find. Zelenka hovered behind, nervously adjusting his glasses. Dr Rodney McKay was sat on the chair in front of the desk, quite still.

"Rodney?" Elizabeth spoke softly, and approached his side.

Without looking round, McKay rubbed his hand across his face, and cleared his throat,

"Sorry, I, em, just wanted to…"

"It's all right Rodney," she touched his shoulder, "I know. I'm sorry."

McKay gripped his hands into tight fists, "You weren't there, " he choked.

She sighed, knowing he must feel guilty about what happened. "They said at the debrief that you have no blame, Rodney," Elizabeth crouched down, and held onto his arm. "It was a tough time. You didn't have the luxury of double-checking the circuits." McKay still hadn't looked at her. She didn't know what else to say.

Zelenka stood close by, and addressed his friend, "Rodney, I'm certain you did what was best."

"I know, I know, I know!" McKay cried with a strangled voice. He beat his fists on the desk. "I know he didn't die just because of me!"

Elizabeth and Zelenka exchanged fearful glances. Zelenka shrugged, his palms open. Elizabeth licked her dry lips, and tried again, "Rodney, tell us. What can we do?"

McKay finally faced her, his haunted gaze searching her eyes, "How can you do anything? He's gone! I had a friend, and he's gone. I've never really had many proper friends before; I don't suppose that's a great shock. But they're not supposed to die! And for the last twelve hours of his life I treated him like dirt!" He wiped his mouth roughly with the back of his hand. Cold eyes dared Elizabeth to tell him it was all right.

She didn't really understand, "What do you mean, what did you do?"

Rodney threw his head back, "Oh ho, I know I always treat everyone that way, put them down, tell them how incompetent they are …" he dropped his gaze to his gesturing hands, "I did that all the way in the jumper, well, not all the way, we slept first, but I got many hours of friendly criticism in, ha! …and in the satellite, I mean, I know he almost broke my back…"

Zelenka and Elizabeth listened in some confusion to Rodney's mutterings. He rambled on,

"…all my words… the sarcasm… the lowest form of wit… and then he died," his voice was now barely a whisper.

Elizabeth nodded to Zelenka, she knew he was more qualified than her to counter this; Rodney seemed to treat her with more…reverence, she mused.

Zelenka seemed to grasp the plea in her eyes, and he countered McKay's thoughts, "Yes, Rodney, but we are all used to this. Peter as much as anyone, he knows…knew…what you are like, we are but your minions to be abused", he smiled weakly.

Then a dark thought seeped into Zelenka's mind, "Rodney, did…did Peter blame you for leaving him? Did he curse you for your actions? Because if he did, then we can understand how…"

Rodney cut in, his voice shrill and strained, "No! No! He never! He never got angry with me, ever." He thumped the desk, "Twelve hours of abuse, and he should have punched my lights out. I deserved it. And do you know what his last words were? Rodney, you are a stupid arrogant slave driver? Rodney, why can't you be nice to people who care about you? Rodney, you deserve to be blown into space in a million pieces? NO! He said, 'I'm sorry'. That's all. 'I'm sorry'…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" McKay bowed his head and his shoulders trembled. He put his hands to his face.

Elizabeth had to rise and put her arms around his shoulders. Zelenka pinched the brow of his nose and sighed.

They stayed that way for some time, Elizabeth gently whispering to Rodney words of comfort and solace. Rodney was able to face Radek, and accept his assurances. They shared memories of their patient, kind, brilliant friend who had been lost. They all cried. They all embraced. They packed Peter's things, and they grieved for part of their family gone.


End file.
